As I began to put together this first blog post, I struggled a bit with how to begin. The subject of relating is vast, its panorama wide, its many levels deep and often hidden. So where does one begin a discussion on a subject that is so complex? Then it dawned on me…what better way to start this first post on relating than with the simple truth that everything you do…everything we do…is some form of relating.
You see…from your first breath to your last heartbeat, every feeling, every thought, every word and every action is some form of relating. And try as you may, you will not find a single second of your existence that is not some form of relating.
Skeptical? If so, review your day.
Now as you review your day, see the many threads of relating that weave throughout the course of your day…you and your partner…you and your family, co-workers, classmates, friends and neighbors.
Make sure to note what is quite often the most important thread - that strand of relating that occurs between you and the many levels of your own being.
Note also, that this intricate geometry of relating is in constant and perpetual movement. The constant and perpetual movement of these strands literally forming and encompassing every aspect of your existence.
Again, one only needs to reflect for a moment on the relationships in one’s life to verify the truth of this ever changing existence:
A mother and child, a husband and wife, a friend and his peers.
But this ever changing existence doesn’t just end with those with whom we are closest. It extends beyond to include a teacher and her students, an employer and his workers, a nation and its neighbors and perhaps most importantly, the Creator and His Creation.
You see, relating in all of its forms is life, and with life it is not the longevity of one’s life that defines it, but the quality of how one has lived.
Did the mother nurture her child?
Did the husband cherish his wife?
Did the friend respect his peers?
These answers are found in our method and manner of relating and in our attempt to discover them, we have already taken the first steps of our journey into the realm of the Art of Relating.
Now let’s travel a little bit further into this realm.
Although the totality of your existence, my existence…the existence of every single person upon the planet is relating, very few can define relating.
Truth is, it is rather simple to define.
Relating is a three-step sequence of extension, connection and interaction. It’s much like making a phone call. You dial the number – that is extension. A person answers – that is connection. A conversation begins – that is interaction.
Now here is where it gets interesting, every relationship is born from connection and interaction. Meaning that until a connection is made, there is no relating. Which brings up a very important point – any time you react to anything or anyone, be it an emotional reaction, a mental reaction or a physical reaction a connection is made, an interaction occurs and a relationship is born. This includes a reaction to a compliment, a joke, an insult, a question.
All create a connection, because a response of any kind automatically creates a connection and an interaction.
I would say to ponder upon that, but to do so is overwhelming.
For that means that you have a relationship with the guy that cut you off on the freeway on your way to work. And with that woman at the grocery store, who gave you the quick "up and down" and then frowned at you. Not to mention that co-worker who every day as you walk into work, looks at his watch and slowly shakes his head in disapproval. All of these actions eliciting a response…all of these responses an interaction…all of these interactions creating a relationship.
Now quite often our reactions, which are in truth inter-actions, are subconscious and not actual dialogue, and fortunately, most of the relationships formed from these unconscious reactions are fleeting and quickly dissipate.
But here’s the kicker, if we somehow continue to give an interaction any type of energy – the connection remains, the relationship continues and sometimes even grows! In fact, that is how all relationships grow - from the exchange of energy that occurs from interaction. The level of that energy exchange literally determining the quality of every relationship; for if the totality of our existence is relating (and it is) then the only variable is how we relate.
Ponder upon that for a moment…
We determine the quality of our existence by the manner in which we relate.
That variable literally determines the quality of your existence…my existence…the existence of the whole planet! Again, take a moment and allow this simple truth to sink in…the only thing standing in the way of a whole and joyful existence is the manner in which you relate.
This is so important…because it illustrates another truth.
YOU control the quality of your life… YOU control the quality of your existence.
Yet all too often our approach to life is one of apathetic resignation. A passive belief that we have no real control over the direction or quality of our lives. Yet, nothing could be further from the truth.
If you want to change the quality of your life, if you need to change the quality of your life, simply change the manner in which you relate. Do not allow yourself to believe that others have any control over the quality of your existence. Nobody - including partners, family, friends, employers etc. determine the quality of your life.
You do – solely by the manner in which you relate.
The importance of your method of relating now becomes paramount, as does
your need to raise it to its highest level—a level of artful expression. And this is an endeavor not only to be attempted with lovers, family and friends, but extended beyond to communities, cities and nations…the whole planet!
Now from that viewpoint it, is rather easy to see that humankind desperately needs to improve its manner of relating.
Fortunately, the heart of humanity is good and our lineage is drawn from Spirit.
We are only in need of direction.
And it is here that we find the importance and the value of the Art of Relating. By approaching relating as an art form and by seeking its highest form of expression, each relationship is a potential masterpiece.
All that is needed, is to strive to make every relationship a work of art and to allow every day to be the canvas upon which you continue to express your art.
© 2019 Seth Adamson